"I may be deformed..."

I am so full of shit these days. I don't just mean this blog. It used to be that I would be honest in my communication; now it's all "good to hear from you!", "really well done!", "have a good time!", "we should meet up soon": such shit. That's changing from now on.xx

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A few weeks ago I was on a train, nice pair of seats to myself, looking out the window. A jakey woman came by asking for a lighter, I told her that I didn't have one. She took a better look at me, reeled and then said, "I recognise you," waggling her finger at me. She said she had seen me walking around; she recognised me by my walk, she said. Then she did an imitation of my walk by limping around and sticking one shoulder up to her ear.

She reeled a second time, this time more violently and pointed an accusing finger at me, for a moment too astonished to speak, "You were in Star Wars!" Initially, I denied this but she persisted and I admitted that, yes, I was in Star Wars. She said that my secret was safe her, evidently recognising my desire to remain incognito – all of this audible to the rest of the carriage.

She resumed her hunchback pose and said that she could remember one of my scenes. She quoted, "I may be deformed, captain, but that doesn't mean I'm not intelligent." She went on to recall how I had been a pioneer for disabled actors, a beacon of sorts.

Throughout all of this I was continually affirming her statements, "That's right," I was saying. Eventually, she became bored and walked off.

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I've changed the way comments work on this blog. We're now using something called Disqus that allows you to integrate with Facebook and Twitter and so on. It's the same as what Limmy's done: I've copied Limmy. You can try out if you like, I don't know if it works or how it will show up on Facebook.

Also, I think that if you get yourself a Gravatar you'll have a wee image with your comment.

What is your Purpose Target?

During the course of my research today I came across this diagram. First class nonsense from the Scottish Government. In context here.

Also, Serafinowicz. He is funny and for some reason and I never have any trouble spelling his name even though it looks like the sort of name that it would be hard to spell.

Enjoying Twitter far too much. If you follow both Limmy and Stephen Fry you get this kind of shit happening...

Dr Gillian McProfiteering Bitch and Other News

She actually seems to have dropped the doctor bit; her preferred form of swindling is no longer charlatanry. Look at this:



Here it is closer:



£1.69. Steep for a little health bar thing bearing the face of someone who is best known for plumbing poo out of people and then smelling it; Gillian McKeith's Cacao Bean Bar. It is made entirely from organic matter, apparently. The ingredients are a list of the sorts of things Gillian McKeith recommends we eat; brown rice, apple juice (that explains the price then). It is almost as if it is a little block of stuff that Gillian McKeith has herself eaten that has then been reconstituted through some sort of system. Gillian McKeith's Cacao Bean Bar. Gillian McKeith's Own Brown Bar. Gillian McKeith's Ideal Poo. Gillian McKeith's Cacao Bean Bar.

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Around the time people were using Napster I used to say, "Eventually you'll be able to listen to any song you want wherever you are as they'll all be able on some global network." Unfortunately, absolutely nobody disagreed with me so the advent of Spotify does not allow me to wallow in the glory of my unique prescientness. Wikipedia tells me they're developing a Spotify application for the iPhone making my dreams of all those years ago a reality. Or, at least, it would if I had an iPhone.

Isn't it good that the people at YouTube, FaceBook, Twitter, and Spotify haven't demeaned themselves by using the copycat 'i' prefix. Unlike those fools at the BBC. Why iPlayer? (Why aye). Why not Watch Again or something?

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Because it's gone all sunny I have been listening to some of my usual summer music. I have been dismayed to discover that it's gone off since last year. Come summertime I listen to Groove Armada and Bob Marley. This is how it has been for many years. Time was I associated Groove Armada with blissful sunny afternoons, the start of the summer holidays and so on. Now it sounds like the music of a polywristbanded wanker who thinks he would like to be a ravey toff but doesn't want to stray too far from Keane. He would probably listen to Bob Marley too and then go to Cornwall and drink Magner's like a cunt.

By my estimation, nothing after 1993 has yet become retro cool. We have perhaps five or six years until Groove Armada achieves retro cool. What's Marley's excuse? Well, these things are probably cyclical; Marley is on a low right now. Maybe his listenableness follows the economic cycle. Or maybe it presages the economic cycle. This could be powerful knowledge. Look out for a pick up in the sales of his records; green shoots they are. Green shoots! How appropriate! Har har har har har! (As in cannabis cos he liked cannabis didn't he).

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That thing on the right of this page is not an advert for Virgin Media; although it's doing its best to look like one. It is in fact an advert for my friends' band Sea Bass Kid. You can play one of their songs on it. You should have a listen; it's good. They have a page on the Road to V website where you can vote for them. They have a MySpace too but I'm not going to link to it again lazy people; there is already a link over there–> somewhere. Under 'Links' in fact.

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I've got Twitter and like so totally get it now. There's no point following me on it because I don't say anything but if I do start saying things I will warn you.

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By the way, there is another new post under this one.

Update: I've put my Twitter up over there under Prattle. I'm going to start saying stuff now: get ready!