Thock, Conservative

This is a rough version of my proposed new advert for the Conservative party. I originally had this idea two years ago.

Ideally, I would like the there to be a sound of cricket ball against cricket bat (to give that familiar 'thock', so redolent of Tory values) rather than the wicket sound that we have at the moment. Also, I think that it would be better without the commentators at the end and more prolonged, polite applause.

If anyone knows where I can find such sounds I would be very grateful if they told me.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Introducing Rembrandt Semi-Fishe P.I.

My name is Rembrandt Semi-Fishe and I am a sleuth, P.I., dangerman. I go where wise men never go and where angels fear to tread. The other day I spotted this image on Fouls' wall. What did it mean? Who was this man and what was his significance? I had to know. The tag line runs, "A journey brings us face to face with ourselves." Code?

In the spirit of my fearless forebears I riffled through Fouls' documents and came across his private diaries along with this interesting entry:

"The Twentieth of Octobre Two Thousand and Eighte. Mine walle is much beautyfied by its new adornemente of Mikhail Gorbachev with Louis Vuitton bag. O wherefore Gorbachev doth embrace vacuously brand-oriented face of Westerne capytalism? The bounty on the after dinner speaker circuit doth dry up methinks. Shalle I blog about this in time? Perhapes guis-ed under one of the silly character names that spilleth recently from mine braine..."

It was time to put the old Semi-Fishe investigatory skills into action: I typed "mikhail gorbachev louis vuitton" into Google. In fine Semi-Fishe tradition my first line of enquiry was the top hit... bingo! But more questions: my honed sleuthing nose had uncovered more mysteries. The top hit was an article from a publication called the New York Times. Now, as a P.I., I peel my eyes twice a day but these guys must do it four or five times a day because they had spotted something that I had not. The little booklet poking out of the bag in the picture has some Russian writing on it. These cunning coves had translated it: "“The Murder of Litvinenko: They Wanted to Give Up the Suspect for $7,000.” Intriguing... who was this Litvinenko? And what was a "suspect"? The adventure wasn't over; next stop Dictionary.com...